Joan Rivers Quotes: 17 Sayings From Deceased Comedian

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17 quotes by comedian Joan Rivers.

Comedian Joan Rivers was undergoing a throat procedure on Thursday, Aug. 28 when she suddenly stopped breathing and was taken to Mount Sinai Hospital. CNN reports that doctors reportedly placed the 81-year-old "Fashion Police" host under an induced coma and according to a statement by her daughter, Melissa Rivers, the comedian was being taken out from the induced coma on Sunday, Sept. 1.

"My mother would be so touched by the tributes and prayers that we have received from around the world," said Melissa Rivers in a statement to US magazine. "Her condition remains serious but she is receiving the best treatment and care possible. We ask that you continue to keep her in your thoughts as we pray for her recovery."

Known for her self-deprecating and candid sense of humor, here are 17 quotes by Joan Rivers:

1. "I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." -- Joan Rivers

2. "I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid." -- Joan Rivers

3. "Before we make love my husband takes a painkiller." -- Joan Rivers

4. "Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century." -- Joan Rivers

5. "I was born in 1962… and the room next to me was 1963." -- Joan Rivers

6. "I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’" -- Joan Rivers

7. "I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'" -- Joan Rivers

8. "You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it." -- Joan Rivers

9. "The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it." -- Joan Rivers

10. "If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly." -- Joan Rivers

11. "I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewellery." -- Joan Rivers

12. "At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!" -- Joan Rivers

13. "I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery." -- Joan Rivers

14. "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." -- Joan Rivers

15. "Looking fifty is great – if you're sixty." -- Joan Rivers

16. "My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks." -- Joan Rivers

17. "A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon." -- Joan Rivers

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