Putin To Undergo Emergency Colon Surgery After Falling Down And Pooing Himself

Reports suggest that after taking a bad fall at his home, evil despot Vladimir Putin is scheduled to have surgery from a colon and rectal expert.

Last week, reports from the General SVR Telegram channel claimed that the unpredictable dictator had fallen down the stairs and soiled himself. Top Kremlin officials were compelled to dismiss these reports as "completely untrue," Daily Star reported.

However, since then, it has been stated he would have surgery due to discomfort brought on by a coccyx injury sustained when he "slipped on a staircase."

At the Eurasian Economic Union in Bishkek, the capital of Kyrgyzstan, the 70-year-old dictator was recently observed uncomfortably descending steps in light snow

Putin was observed cautiously descending the steps of his 'Flying Kremlin' Ilyushin-96 on Thursday, Dec. 8, as he made his way to meet summit host and country's president Sadyr Japarov.

Following rumors that paranoid Putin has increased his personal protection in recent weeks amid assassination worries, a bag possibly concealing a body was seen being carried by an assistant as he exited the jet.

According to leaks on telegram, Putin will be undergoing a simple surgical operation. The fall suffered by him last week has led to a bruised tailbone and has resulted in new problems that are not directly related to the bruise.

“The fall from the stairs last week, which resulted in a bruised tailbone, did not go unnoticed and caused new problems not directly related to the bruise,” said the telegram sources.

It was previously reported by the channel that “due to cancer, Putin has serious digestive problems and has been on a strict diet for the past few months.” The reports were based on insiders within the Kremlin.

According to posts, the Russian president also suffers “bouts of coughing, dizziness, sleep disturbances, abdominal pain and constant nausea” as well as “the manifestation of symptoms of Parkinson's disease and schizoaffective disorder.”

Although other sources even claim that Putin is always accompanied by a specialized team of doctors, including cancer specialists, wherever he travels, there is no concrete evidence of his health difficulties.