Administrative Professionals Day, a.k.a. Secretary’s Day, is a time to celebrate office workers who are usually left out of the limelight. Administrative Professionals Day receives a flurry of listicles every year. There are famous fictional secretaries and famous real secretaries. Kind secretaries and murderous secretaries. Some have written about the best phrases to use for giving thanks to secretaries on Administrative Professionals Day. (I’ll add one here that will really work: “I’m giving you a raise.”) Here are the funniest and darkest quotes about secretaries, as well as their bosses.
Boss can be demanding, daft and inappropriate around their administrative assistants (see Berlusconi, quote), but also appreciative and understanding. Some bosses neglect their needs for help (see Bruce Dickinson), while others seem to delegate out everything to their secretaries. Others are extremely demanding on administrative assistants (see Harry Houdini)... but they don’t always get what they want (see Philip Gulley). Then there are plenty of secretaries who have a thing or two to say about their bosses (see Mad Men quote), or bosses who think their assistants are too good for them anyway (see Fisher). Here are the funniest quotes about secretaries, happy administrative professionals day!
On Needing Administrative Assistants
“If you take a bunch of superstars and put them in a room where they don't have their assistants and entourage, it's funny to see what happens.” -- Daryl Hall
“Most national correspondents will tell you they rely on stringers and researchers and interns and clerks and news assistants.” -- Rick Bragg
“I don't have interns. I don't have a manager. I don't have assistants. I don't have a secretary. I can't figure out Outlook Express. I'm the worst person in the world answering e-mails, and my phone is probably the oldest, most battered phone you can find. So I just talk to people.” -- Bruce Dickinson
"The first thing the secretary types is the boss." -- Donald Trump
“Having an intelligent secretary does not get rid of the need to read, write, and draw, etc. In a well functioning world, tools and agents are complementary.”
-- Alan Kay
“You're no good unless you are a good assistant; and if you are, you're too good to be an assistant.” -- Martin H. Fischer
“Appreciate everything your associates do for the business. Nothing else can quite substitute for a few well-chosen, well-timed, sincere words of praise. They're absolutely free and worth a fortune. -- Sam Walton
From Or About Jerks
“He may act like he wants a secretary but most of the time they’re looking for something between a mother and a waitress.” -- Joan from Mad Men
"Italy is now a great country to invest in... Today we have fewer communists and those who are still there deny having been one. Another reason to invest in Italy is that we have beautiful secretaries.... superb girls." -- Silvio Berlusconi, former Prime Minister of Italy and apparent chauvinist
When things haven't gone well for you, call in a secretary or a staff man and chew him out. You will sleep better and they will appreciate the attention. -- Lyndon B. Johnson
“I can only make one person happy each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look good, either. -- Frank the 70 year old secretary, from Philip Gulley’s “Home to Harmony”
“But then, so far as I know, I am the only performer who ever pledged his assistants to secrecy, honor and allegiance under a notarial oath.” -- Harry Houdini
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